One of the problems in the United States is our infatuation with body image.
This obsession with looks was demonstrated by what happened to Simone Biles in the Olympics. She is one of the most talented gymnasts in the world and has accomplished performances no one else ever has. No one except another athlete can appreciate the years of practice, grueling pain and sacrifices she has made. And what did the fans complain about? Her hair!
She had the perfect response on Instagram when she said, “Don’t come for me about my hair. IT WAS DONE but [the] bus has NO AC andit’s like 9000 degrees…oh and a 45-min. ride.” The point is that the criticism never should have happened in the first place.
Years ago, I read that the average stars attending the Oscars spend over eight hours getting ready. When we are going out the door, none of us have that kind of time. Yet many people emulate the stars and want to look like them. Teenagers try to imitate the beauty. I blame the media for a lot of this phenomenon.
For people diagnosed with cancer, how we look is an issue. Many people have surgeries and feel disfigured. Lymphedema can require bandages that are large and unsightly. Hair loss is devastating to many people. With a blood cancer like mine, my body image is not altered, but I often look pale and have big shadows under my eyes from the fatigue.
I also am saddened by the lack of self-confidence in our society, which often goes along with the obsession with body image.
I worked for several years counseling children who were being fostered and adopted. I would ask each of them at the end of a session to tell me five good things about themselves. I do not remember even one giving me an answer without my prompting. I would remind them that they were polite to me, put away their toys and mention other positive actions to get them started. They sometimes picked up on that and began to think of other things on their own. I would have adult clients who would berate themselves repeatedly. I would ask them if they ever said the negative things to their friends that they said to themselves. They would reply “of course not”, and I would just look at them and ask why they did it to themselves. They would get the point.
What does this all have to do with cancer? There are so many things we cannot do after treatments and side effects. My confidence level has definitely plunged. Because of the risk of infection, I have given up cruises, have lots less energyand have to limit my activities. My hearing loss makes me afraid to say something stupid in public, and I avoid large crowds. Losing my teeth has affected my appearance and I am afraid to smile. I think every one of us has a story to tell.
I try to cope with both my appearance problems and my lack of self-confidence by giving myself little pep talks. I may look pale, but makeup helps.I apply lipstick when I feel I need makeup. With my appearance, a pretty dress or suit can make all the difference. I am letting my hair grow longer for a brand-new hairstyle. I can’t go on long walks, but I can do short ones. I can’t travel as much but can write more. I can’t go on cruises but can take driving trips. Each little mantra I tell myself, each little positive gesture I generate, makes me feel better. Yes, it makes just a little tiny bit of difference, but that may be all any of us need!
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